Postpartum Body Woes
One of the biggest shocks of having a baby was not the birth part, but the recovery part. I did not feel like I was properly prepared for what happens to my body once the baby is born. Whenever you are pregnant majority of the focus is on how to give birth with a little bit of how to care for the baby mixed in, but only a dash of what your body will go through postpartum. Obviously knowing that information wouldn’t have changed my mind about having my daughter, but I feel like I could have been more mentally, physically, and emotionally prepared.
Getting pregnant was the first time in my life I had actually gained weight. As I have stated on here before, I never dealt with fluctuations in weight as a kid or during adolescence, so watching my body change was definitely an adjustment. But an even bigger adjustment was not going right back to the size I was pre-pregnancy.
I used to be a lil bitty twig. No curves, no extra anything. I wore a lot of the same clothes and shoes from high school until pregnancy. Deep in my mind, I knew that I was going to look a bit different and the shape of my body would be different, but I was not expecting for none of my clothes to fit. That alone made me want to cry… and I have, multiple times. I was stuck wearing pajamas and my husband’s shirts. I felt frumpy and gross. Eventually, my mom bought me a few pairs of shorts in a larger size, so I could go out in the summer heat. That helped for awhile, but I couldn’t wash those three pairs of shorts quick enough for as often as I needed to wear them.
At first I was so against buying clothes that fit my current body, because I am determined not to stay this way. I have approximately 20 pounds that I need to lose to feel healthy and “fit” again. So buying new clothes seemed like defeat, like I was saying that I accept looking like this. That sounds dramatic – I am healthy and I am beautiful – but I am also self-conscious and insecure. I want my confidence back. So earlier this week, I made the decision to buy some cheap clothes that fit my current body. A couple pairs of bottoms, a shirt, and a few dresses. I made this choice, so that I could feel some confidence and positivity when I look in the mirror. It makes a world of difference when you can just wake up, grab some clothes that easily go on, and look at yourself with a smile.
Just this little bit of confidence has encouraged me to start going on walks and buying more healthy food at the grocery store. I am so proud of myself in what I accomplished during birth and I wouldn’t trade my baby girl for anything – not even my pre-pregnancy body – so now I am just accepting that it is okay to take as much time as you need to heal and recover from pregnancy and to not compare your recovery journey to anyone else’s.